My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
