I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
