I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
