i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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