I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We need to rekindle our bromance
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
