how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
