If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
