I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
