I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
