4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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