I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
