She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
