so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
