her vagine was all disorganized.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
