I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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