Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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