Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
