then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
