I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Floor bacon is actually really good
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
