Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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