overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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