Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
