You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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