Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
