my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
