my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
