so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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