It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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