Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
