it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
