I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
