Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
