My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
