I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
