I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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