If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
