I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
