Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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