so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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