She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
