It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
