i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
