i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
