I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
