your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
