We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
