my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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