the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
