Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
