We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have already put on my inside pants.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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